Little girls dream of growing up and one day marrying their prince charming. We all dream of our prince riding up on his white horse, sweeping us off our feet with a sweet serenade. It’s fun to dream, to imagine what our future husband will look like, what names we will name our children, and how many we might have. It’s almost picture-perfect, this dream. 

However, as lovely as this is, and no matter what color the horse is —God’s requirement for a man and woman is not based on a charm but rather to be equally yoked.

2 Corinthians 6:14. “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”

The literal interpretation of being “equally yoked” means “joined with the same”. In agricultural terms, if a yoke joins two oxen together then they need to be the same in order to work together. Otherwise, they won’t be able to accomplish the goal of farming or tilling the land. If an ox is shorter or weaker than the other, it will be more difficult to work.

Likewise, when a potential suitor comes for you how will you know if you are equally yoked, what are the appropriate hard questions to ask during this time period to find out? If we were to have the same weaknesses, or even strengths we could never grow and overcome together. We would never be pushed to become like God. We want to have a marriage where we have hope, and help, to overcome our struggles, not be handicapped because we are not united with someone who can protect us in these areas. Instead, we would be hurt because the person would make you MORE vulnerable to our weaknesses, instead of shielding us.

So let’s see how ‘yoked’ you really are! Here are some questions we have compiled from different sites and changed to meat the Latter-Day Saint standards to use during this time of building a relationship. If you think of any others questions, please leave us a comment!

#1 Miscellaneous Discussion Starters

• What is your attitude toward pets? Indoor? Outdoor?
• What are your political leanings?
• Do you believe the forefather of this country were inspired?
• What are your favorite sources for news?
• What are your interests, hobbies, and talents?
• What are your income-producing (vocational) skills?
• What is your attitude toward family (home) business?
• How do sports play out in your life? Are they hobbies, or a lifestyle. Do you feel you are balanced or have they become an idol?
• What do you tend to do in your spare time?
• What is your involvement in sports? Do you participate, attend games, or watch it on TV? To what extent? What sports do you like? Is it an idol or is it something you could give up if God asked?
• What is the role of psychology in the life of a Christian?
• Do you prefer to live in the city, suburbs, town, country; farm, seaside, mountains, or desert? Why?
• Describe a typical weekday in your life from start to finish.
• Describe a typical Saturday in your life from start to finish.
• Describe a typical Sunday in your life from start to finish.
• Do you read regularly, and if so, what? Who is your favorite author? Outside the scriptures, what would be your five favorite books?
• What did you grow up reading/watching? What books have had the greatest impact on defining who you are–children’s books, fiction, history, theology, anything. Which authors have you always most enjoyed and/or admired? What films have been influential?

#2 Your Future

• Can you describe your life purpose, i.e., how you intend to use your interests, experiences, skills, and talents to serve and glorify God?
• What do you feel that God has asked you to do? What is your mission? A man must have this in order for a wife to submit to before marriage. If you have not had your call, do you feel it is an important thing to do before furthering a relationship?
• What role would your wife and children play in your life purpose?
• What role would your job/career play in your life purpose?
• Where do you see yourself in 10 years? In 20 years?
• Where do you see yourself spiritually in 10 years? In 20 years?
• When the Lord calls you home, how would you like people to remember you? What is your legacy you want to pass down to your family?

#3 Personal Habits Affecting Marriage

• What are your beliefs regarding diet? Are your eating habits disciplined? Do you have any food dislikes? Are you a vegetarian, vegan, plant-based or whole-foods?
• What are your thoughts on alternative medicine?
• How obedient are you to the Word of Wisdom? Do you believe it is a list of suggestions or a command?
• Do you have any physical or mental disabilities or diseases? Any allergies? Prior or current health problems? What is your opinion on mental health counseling? 
• Are your spending habits disciplined? Do you tithe? What is your view of debt?
• How would you describe your work ethic? Do you have a high standard of excellence? Do you tend to be either slothful or a workaholic? How many hours per week do you work?
• What is your discipline in studying?
• What are your habits regarding sleeping? Are you lethargic? Are your sleep habits irregular?
• Do you follow a regular schedule? Are you organized?
• Would you consider yourself neat or messy?
• What is your level of personal cleanliness and hygiene?
• What does cleanliness mean to you?
• Do you have any personal habits that might annoy others?

#4 Moral Standards

• Describe your standard of modesty?
• What are your views on public swimming?
• Do you use offensive language?
• Where do you stand on evolution?
• Where do you stand on celebrating Halloween?
• Do you watch television, R-rated movies? PG-rated movies? What were the last five movies you watched?
• What kind of music do you prefer? What kind of music would you find offensive?
• Do you currently use any type of drugs? Have you in your past? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.
• What is your view point on pharmaceutical drugs/prescription’s?
• What is your view point of vaccines?
• Do you have any financial debt? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances. What financial principles do you live by? Do you have any savings currently?
• Have you ever been in trouble with the law? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.
• What tendencies do you have toward prejudice or racism?
• Have you ever had periods of rebellion?  If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.  Are there any unsettled issues with your parents?

#5 Your Spiritual Life

• What do you understand to be God’s purpose for marriage? 
• What is your view of the Sabbath and the proper use of that day? What activities can children enjoy on the Sabbath?
• What is your view on the celebration of Christmas, Easter, and the Holy Feasts?
• How would those who know you well describe your personal character?
• What are your habits with regard to Prayer, Bible, and Book of Mormon study?
• What would you say is your spiritual gift(s)?
• What are your strengths?
• What is your father’s understanding of religion? How would you describe your father’s personal character?
• What is your mother’s understanding of religion? How would you describe your mother’s personal character?
• Recognizing we are all imperfect, in what one or two areas do you think God wants you to improve most?
• Do you have a teachable spirit? Can you cite any examples?
• When did you really start to seek the Lord?
• What do you believe about sin? Have you had a remission of sins?
• Have you ever been exposed to pornography? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances. What are the fruits of your repentance and nature being changed?
• Have you ever been exposed to homosexuality? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.
• Are you interested in/focused on continual spiritual growth?
• What is your heart towards those who are suffering spiritually? What do you believe is your duty?
• What are things you see as God’s blessings? Do you desire and cherish these things?
• What are the primary events or situations in your life that have defined who you are today–the most formulating experiences and periods of your life?
• What have been the hardest things you have ever had to work through? The hardest things you have ever done?
• Share your testimony of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young
• How important is it to you to center your life on the teachings of the prophet Joseph Smith as the Revealer of Jesus Christ?
• What is your understanding on the New and Everlasting Covenant?
• What is your testimony on Plural marriage?
• What’s the toughest part of our faith for you?
• What’s the best part of our faith for you?

#6 Your Relationships

• Describe your relationship with your father? Was (is) it honoring? Was (is) it obedient? Give examples
• Describe your relationship with your mother? Was (is) it honoring? Was (is) it obedient? Give examples
• How transparent are you in your communication with your parents and siblings?
• How many siblings do you have? What are their names, ages, and cities of residence? Can you describe your relationship with each of your siblings?
• What do you think about your family? Are you good friends?
• Can you describe your relationship with your grandparents?
• Can you describe your relationship with your friends? Have you ever been peer-dependent? How did you resist this?
• Are you consistently faithful in fulfilling your commitments? Give examples.
• Do you show a regular willingness to serve others? In what ways?
• In what ways is self-centeredness expressed in your life?
• How do you relate to authority in your life? With your father, leaders and God?
• Have you ever been a supervisor? If so, what adjectives would your employees use to describe you?
• Are you ever manipulative of others?
• What kinds of situations cause you frustration? How do you respond?
• What circumstances might make you impatient or angry? How do you handle anger? Have you ever been violent? Do you raise your voice when angry?
• Have you ever had to deal with a broken relationship? If so, please provide the details of that relationship, how long ago, the situation, and how did you handle it?
• What has been your prior experience with dating and romance? Have you ever kissed or been physically intimate in any way with a girl/woman? If so, explain the circumstances.
• What does purity in a relationship mean to you?
• What breaks your heart? What delights your innermost heart?
• Who are your closest friends?
• Who have been the main disciples in your life and the people who have impacted and colored your life the most? As a child, adult–whenever.
• Who were your role models and heroes? For what reasons?
• You are the result of the influence of which people?
• Which women/men do you admire the most and want to be like? Why? In which ways?
• Which qualities and personality traits do you see in other women/men that you desire to have yourself?
• What personality traits and/or strengths do you see in women/men you know that you would desire for your wife/husband to possess?
• Why do you want to be in a relationship with me?
• What do you see as my best character qualities?
• What do you see as my weakest character qualities?
• If “your” daughter/son were marrying “you,” what cautions would you have?
• Do you have a personal timetable for marriage? If so, what is it?

#7 Marital Roles

• Do you tend to be more of a leader or follower in life? Can you cite any examples?
• In making decisions, what role does God’s Word play?
• What is your attitude toward women/men? What is their purpose?
• What is your view on the role of a wife/husband? What is your view on submission?
• What are your views on women working outside the home?
• What are your views concerning divorce and remarriage?
• Can you tell me your thoughts on how a man should provide for a wife and family?
• Can you tell me your thoughts on how a man should protect a wife and children? (How do you feel about guns?)
• How do you see your future relationship with your in-laws working out?
• What is your stand on abortion? What about in the case of rape? How does laying down one’s life play into this?
• How do you relate to children? How often are you around children?
• What are your thoughts regarding birth control and family planning?
• Do you want children?
• How many children do you hope to have? 
• What is your attitude toward adopting children?
• What are your views on child training, including corporal punishment?
• What are your views on homeschooling?
• What are your thoughts on family worship? Besides church and temple attendance what would you like for your family?
• When you fail someone, what actions do you take to rectify the situation?
• Are you honest? Do you ever slant the truth for your own benefit?
• How have you prepared yourself for marriage?
• In what ways do you think you may need to grow before marriage?
• What does “leave and cleave” mean to you? Are you prepared to put your wife first, before all others, including your parents? Give me an example of what this may look like to you.
• How significant is it to be entrusted with the guardianship of their souls?
• What are the duties of children?
• What are the things you appreciate most about the way your parents raised you?
• What would you do differently from your parents?
• Who do you want your children to grow up to be?
• What is the purpose of the family/what will be the purpose of your family?
• How important is the upbringing of children in the grand scheme of things?
• How would we model ourselves to our children? Our lifestyles, traits, personalities, things we laugh at, what we approve of, etc.
• What type of education are you hoping that your future husband/wife will have?
• List the five most important characteristics of a husband/wife.
• List any characteristics or personality traits that would bother or irritate you in a husband/wife.

#8 Non-Negotiables

• What do you believe are non-negotiable elements of a Christ-honoring marriage?
• What do you believe are non-negotiable elements of a Christ-honoring family?

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