BUILDING A FAMILY ON RIGHTEOUS TRADITIONS
“Out of my 5 children, which 4 would I want to see walk away from the Church?”
As a mother, knowing the stats for 2002 were at an all-time 80% high with young people walking away from the faith, I knew I had to do something fast to keep my family together. I had already lost one, and I was not going to lose more (according to statistics), or even future posterity. Nope, not if I could do something about it.
One of the triggering factors to this alarming statistic is that we have segregated or outsourced our children over to fun programs, charismatic mentors, cool coaches, experts with fancy degrees, and… even to the Church. We have stripped the father of his God-given role to essentially just a paycheck.
When I learned about these ‘stats,’ I wasn’t quite sure if I believed them… until I walked into the bishop’s office.
“NO, STAY IN YOUR CALLING”
Sitting across from my bishop, I poured out my heart as I spoke about my son who was cutting himself and had attempted suicide. I kindly asked to be released from my Primary calling, so that if needed, I could be available when my son decided to leave the church building. See, Sundays were his hardest days, and I wanted to be there for him when needed—even if it meant we left church early.
It was then that I heard the words: “No, you stay in your calling, and I will take care of your son.” Jump back a few months earlier, and I would have seen the wisdom in this and would have agreed, as I had ‘given’ my children over many times to anybody willing to help me raise them. But now I sat dumbfounded. The stats flew through my mind, and all I could hear was that if I used this sweet bishop’s help, my son could become another number lost to the faith because I had segregated my home. This was not the solution I wanted. My son needed his father.
Learning that segregation of the family is actually one major issue currently destroying the modern family ignited my passion to reset my home. It was time to take on this revolutionary practice, and not allow it to divide my home any longer—even if it meant I would have to swim upstream within the culture.
YOU HAVE TO ENTERTAIN THEM TO KEEP THEM
Raising a family unto the Lord is not easy. It is hard to compete with the world. These segregated programs, youth mentors, and coaches all offer enticements that tear at the family hem. I know because I participated in it too— entertaining with food, fun, fantasy, and friends to ‘keep’ my children near. My eyes were now open, and all of a sudden, I saw it everywhere. I saw the Gospel taught through ‘Disney Princess,’ and a girl’s camp theme of standing up for truth using a popular musician and her ‘Fight Song ’ to rally them. I saw youth camps without fathers. Life seems to be highly fragmented into age and life-stage opportunities. There seems to be a niche for everyone, including infants, toddlers, first, second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth graders; junior high, senior high, college, singles, young marrieds, marrieds, senior adults, and the divorced. Thirteen-year-olds hang out with thirteen-year-olds; twenties with twenties, marrieds with marrieds, and seniors with seniors.
What I found is that today’s ‘programs’ model doesn’t come from the scriptures—but rather—it is based on ideas that were developed by those actually opposed to Christianity (study it out for yourself). In the scriptures we find Mosiah teaching for 3 days to all the people both young and old in families. In 3rd Nephi you find Christ teaching, praying with, and ministering to everyone for days. There were no “classes” for those too young to understand or too bored to listen.
How did we get this far, where everything we did is now either flashy, catchy, worldly, or outsourced. What has happened to the family? What has happened in teaching the gospel in its purest form, undefiled? There is a belief we have bought into that we will bore the youth if they are with their family only, that they need ‘mentors’ to teach them, and peers to socialize them. We seem to believe that all things should be centered around desserts or pizza to keep them coming and that everything must be FUN.
GOING AGAINST CULTURE
My family had recently grown and included two spouses and two grandchildren. This caused much stir as I reflected upon my own family and lack of traditions, gatherings, and family activities. I also thought of the next generation and how I would ‘fit’ into their lives without ‘food, fun, and fantasy’ to entice them. How would I keep my family together and not age-segregate them, or spend thousand of dollars on trips?
I quickly jotted down the requirements I wanted for a family activity or new tradition that I would offer to my children:
No added cost to anyone
Where the Spirit of the Lord could consistently be
It would help us to become more like God
Every age could be involved—no division
Divine roles were respected
Skills and talent could be developed
Time was not wasted
As I pondered ideas such as theme parks, I found them to be full of everything opposite to God, and one has to even question: At what point does the Spirit leave? I also am not a fan of centering my family around materialism or box office movies produced by writers who have rejected God’s word. In a world that was all about SELF, I was stuck and needed help. The culture I was swimming against was brutal!
AN IDEA COMES
So I began my prayers, with my long list of requirements, when the answer came to me to have ‘family service days.’ I quickly reviewed my list…and sure enough… every criterion could be met!
Work, huh? As a family, we had never learned to work together or serve each other correctly. Service might have been to cover someone else’s chore or take cookies to a neighbor. I began to doubt this inspired idea, as I had married children who had their own lives. Who was I to say, “Don’t forget to bring your shovels the next time you come to visit.” Had we become too much about the natural man to change our course? …But the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. It was different.
INTRODUCING THE PLAN
I was a bit nervous to share the idea of service as our new activity idea because really… honestly, who wants to work during a visit—or travel, as one of my children lives 1.5 hrs away. However, the idea was presented, and the vote was a big “yes!” by all.
The idea was to turn this into a race. The plan was to gather once a month, and to take the three homes that were close by and new to the area, and help them with projects, as we had all begun to lay out our new ‘homesteads.’ The time set for each home was one hour, and we raced to finish the project at that home within the allotted time—moving on to the next one, and finishing with lunch after the planned projects at each home were done.
I was shocked after the first service day at not only how much work we accomplished, how much fun it was, how much we laughed, and how much closer we had all become. I learned things I did not know about my children (and in-law children). And I knew it was a success when one of my children asked if we could do it the next month too!
NO FREE TICKET FOR ME
As a child, I spent much time wave-running or attending theme parks with my family. However fun these activities were—and however many good memories were made—they did not strengthen us, nor teach us the gospel. The fruit was self-indulgence, and the conversion was to the world and its methods.
Resetting my home that Sunday after leaving the Bishop’s office— was the start of so much more. It was the day I took my family back and declared war on the culture. It was the day I decided to bring my family back together. Working side by side with my children and grandchildren now is something I would not trade for a free ticket to an amusement park. And I do not hesitate to tell them to bring their own shovels now!
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