Little girls dream of growing up and one day marrying their prince charming. We all dream of our prince riding up on his white horse, sweeping us off our feet with a sweet serenade. It’s fun to dream, to imagine what our future husband will look like, what names we will name our children, and how many we might have. It’s almost picture-perfect, this dream.

However, as lovely as this is, and no matter what color the horse is —God’s requirement for a man and woman is not based on a charm but rather to be equally yoked.

2 Corinthians 6:14. “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”

The literal interpretation of being “equally yoked” means “joined with the same”. In agricultural terms, if a yoke joins two oxen together then they need to be the same in order to work together. Otherwise, they won’t be able to accomplish the goal of farming or tilling the land. If an ox is shorter or weaker than the other, it will be more difficult to work.

Likewise, when a potential suitor comes for your daughter how will you know if the young man is equally yoked for your daughter, what are the appropriate questions to ask during the screening process? What are the appropriate questions to be asking as one is looking to see if they are equally yoked with another?

Here are some questions we have compiled from different Chrisitan sites to use during this time of building a relationship. If you think of any others, please leave us a comment!

Your Spiritual Life

What do you understand to be God’s purpose for marriage?
What is your view of the Sabbath and the proper use of that day? What activities can children enjoy on the Sabbath?
What is your view on the celebration of Christmas, Easter, and the Holy Feasts?
How would those who know you well describe your personal character?
What are your habits with regard to Prayer, Bible, and Book of Mormon study?
What would you say is your spiritual gift(s)?
What are your strengths?
What is your father’s understanding of religion? How would you describe your father’s personal character?
What is your mother’s understanding of religion? How would you describe your mother’s personal character?
Recognizing we are all imperfect, in what one or two areas do you think God wants you to improve most?
Do you have a teachable spirit? Can you cite any examples?
When did you really start to seek the Lord?
What do you believe about sin? Have you had a remission of sins?
Are you interested in/focused on continual spiritual growth?
What is your heart towards those who are suffering spiritually? What do you believe is your duty?
What are things you see as God’s blessings? Do you desire and cherish these things?
What are the primary events or situations in your life that have defined who you are today–the most formulating experiences and periods of your life?
What have been the hardest things you have ever had to work through? The hardest things you have ever done?
What do you think a Church looks like? How is it structured?
What is the role of music in worship and the Church?
Share your testimony of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young

Your Relationships

Describe your relationship with your father? Was (is) it honoring? Was (is) it obedient?
Describe your relationship with your mother? Was (is) it honoring? Was (is) it obedient?
How transparent are you in your communication with your parents and siblings?
How many siblings do you have? What are their names, ages, and cities of residence? Can you describe your relationship with each of your siblings?
What do you think about your family? Are you good friends?
Can you describe your relationship with your grandparents?
Can you describe your relationship with your friends? Have you ever been peer-dependent? How did you resist this?
Are you consistently faithful in fulfilling your commitments? Give examples.
Do you show a regular willingness to serve others? In what ways?
In what ways is self-centeredness expressed in your life?
How do you relate to authority in your life? If so, what adjectives would your employers use to describe you?
Have you ever been a supervisor? If so, what adjectives would your employees use to describe you?
Are you ever manipulative of others?
What kinds of situations cause you frustration? How do you respond?
What circumstances might make you impatient or angry? How do you handle anger? Have you ever been violent? Do you raise your voice when angry?
Have you ever had to deal with a broken relationship? If so, please provide the details of that relationship, how long ago, the situation, and how did you handle it?
What breaks your heart? What delights your innermost heart?
Who are your closest friends?
What do you believe are non-negotiable elements of a Christ-honoring marriage?
What do you believe are non-negotiable elements of a Christ-honoring family?
Who have been the main disciples in your life and the people who have impacted and colored your life the most? As a child, adult–whenever.
Who were your role models and heroes? For what reasons?
You are the result of the influence of which people?
Which women/men do you admire the most and want to be like? Why? In which ways?
Which qualities and personality traits do you see in other women/men that you desire to have yourself?
What personality traits and/or strengths do you see in women/men you know that you would desire for your wife/husband to possess?

Personal Habits Affecting Marriage

What are your beliefs regarding diet? Are your eating habits disciplined? Do you have any food dislikes? Are you a vegetarian, vegan, plant-based or whole-foods?
Do you have any physical or mental disabilities or diseases? Any allergies? Prior or current health problems? What is your opinion on mental health counseling?
Are your spending habits disciplined? Do you tithe? What is your view of debt?
How would you describe your work ethic? Do you have a high standard of excellence? Do you tend to be either slothful or a workaholic? How many hours per week do you work?
What is your discipline in studying?
Do you read regularly, and if so, what? Who is your favorite author? Outside the scriptures, what would be your five favorite non-fiction books? Five favorite fiction books?
What are your habits regarding sleeping? Are you lethargic? Are your sleep habits irregular?
Do you follow a regular schedule? Are you organized?
Would you consider yourself neat or messy?
What is your level of personal cleanliness and hygiene?
Do you have any personal habits that might annoy others?

Marital Roles

Give me your definition of a boy/girl relationship timeline ending with marriage.
Do you tend to be more of a leader or follower in life? Can you cite any examples?
In making decisions, what role does God’s Word play?
What is your attitude toward women/men? What is their purpose?
What is your view on the role of a wife/husband?
What are your views on women working outside the home?
What are your views concerning divorce and remarriage?
Can you tell me your thoughts on how a man should provide for a wife and family?
Can you tell me your thoughts on how a man should protect a wife and children? How do you feel about guns?
How do you see your future relationship with your in-laws working out?
What has been your prior experience with dating and romance? Have you ever kissed or been physically intimate in any way with a girl/woman? If so, explain the circumstances.
What is your stand on abortion? What about in the case of rape?
How do you relate to children? How often are you around children?
What are your thoughts regarding birth control and family planning?
Do you want children?
How many children do you hope to have?
What is your attitude toward adopting children?
What are your views on child training, including corporal punishment?
What are your views on homeschooling?
What are your thoughts on family worship? What would be the key attributes of such a practice in your home?
When you fail someone, what actions do you take to rectify the situation?
Are you honest? Do you ever slant the truth for your own benefit?
How have you prepared yourself for marriage?
In what ways do you think you may need to grow before marriage?
What does “leave and cleave” mean to you? Are you prepared to put your wife first, before all others, including your parents? Give me an example of what this may look like to you.
What is the purpose of the family/what will be the purpose of your family?
How important is the upbringing of children in the grand scheme of things?
How significant is it to be entrusted with the guardianship of their souls?
What are the duties of children?
What are the things you appreciate most about the way your parents raised you?
What would you do differently from your parents?
Who do you want your children to grow up to be?
How would we model ourselves to our children? Our lifestyles, traits, personalities, things we laugh at, what we approve of, etc.

Moral Standards

Describe your standard of modesty?
What are your views on public swimming?
Do you use offensive language?
Do you watch television, R-rated movies? PG-rated movies? What were the last five movies you watched?
What kind of music do you prefer? What kind of music would you find offensive?
Have you ever been exposed to pornography? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.
Have you ever been exposed to homosexuality? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.
Do you currently use any type of drugs? Have you in your past? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.
Do you have any financial debt? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances. What financial principles do you live by? Do you have any savings currently?
Have you ever been in trouble with the law? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.
What tendencies do you have toward prejudice or racism?
Have you ever had periods of rebellion? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances. Are there any unsettled issues with your parents?
What did you grow up reading/watching? What books have had the greatest impact on defining who you are–children’s books, fiction, history, theology, anything. Which authors have you always most enjoyed and/or admired? What films have been influential?

Miscellaneous Discussion Starters

What is your attitude toward pets? Indoor? Outdoor?
What are your political leanings?
What is your general attitude toward civil government?
What are your favorite sources for news?
What are your interests, hobbies, and talents?
What are your income-producing (vocational) skills?
What is your attitude toward family (home) business?
What do you value most highly in life? What next?
What do you tend to do in your spare time?
What is your involvement in sports? Do you participate, attend games, or watch it on TV? To what extent? What sports do you like?
If “your” daughter were marrying “you,” what cautions would you have?
What are your thoughts on alternative medicine?
What are your thoughts on immunizations?
What is the role of psychology in the life of a Christian?
Do you prefer to live in the city, suburbs, town, country; farm, seaside, mountains, or desert? Why?
Describe a typical weekday in your life from start to finish.
Describe a typical Saturday in your life from start to finish.
Describe a typical Sunday in your life from start to finish.

Your Future

Can you describe your life purpose, i.e., how you intend to use your interests, experiences, skills, and talents to serve and glorify God?
What role would your wife and children play in your life purpose?
What role would your job/career play in your life purpose?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? In 20 years?
Where do you see yourself spiritually in 10 years? In 20 years?
When the Lord calls you home, how would you like people to remember you?

Expectations

Do you have a personal timetable for marriage? If so, what is it?
What type of education are you hoping that your future wife or husband will have?
List the five most important characteristics of a wife or husband.
List any characteristics or personality traits that would bother or irritate you in a wife.